Kicking the Perfectionism Habit in 2010
How to Succeed with New Year's Resolutions - Imperfectly.
2010 is filled with huge potential - in our world, and in our selves. Outwardly, we are creating shifts in government, politics, banking, health care, education, our environment and the economy. Inwardly, we are moving to a level of clarity and creation which is about bigger and juicier realities for ourselves in the realms of health, career, relationships, personal finance and whole life purpose.
Take into consideration the fast pace at which we are all operating right now, as well as all that we are called to do and be. These heavy, constant demands increase the stress on our human systems.
It is essential to balance this stress with the appropriate level of self-care so that we can be at our best, succeed at our goals, and meet our responsibilities head-on.
If you have recently felt overwhelmed or experienced bouts of exhaustion, anger, or resentment, you might be suffering from the ills of perfectionism. None of us are, or are meant to be, perfect—including you! Even the highlighted sentence above, although true, is laced with the pervasive trappings of perfectionism. I am curious how you felt when you read it—was it a breath of clarity for you? Or was it another place you felt you need to measure up?
The pressure to do it ALL perfectly—including, somehow, replenishing your vital energy—is extreme. I know the temptation is huge to put yourself on the back burner when so many other pots in your life are threatening to boil over. However, despite all that you are being asked to accomplish, there is a real need to rest and restore in order to tend to the fires burning all around you. The difficulty arises when you try to act on this essential need in a society that does not yet value rest and restoration!
We are an action-based society. You will feel resistance all around you when you stop the constant movement and tend to yourself. That’s why, when faced with your responsibilities—the kids, the job, the family, the friends—saying no to yourself can almost become easy. Because, let’s face it, you’ve learned that you can let yourself down and not only get away with it but get congratulations and kudos for it!
On first glance, you can neglect yourself because you can “get away with it,” meaning there is no outside accountability for doing so. But can you really get away with it? Can you truly neglect yourself without consequence? NO. What really happens when you say no to yourself time and time again? The consequences can be far-reaching.
When you repeatedly devalue your worth by continuing to meet your own needs last—if ever— you are persistently wearing down your ability to care for others. Imagine that one of your direct reports at work, or your child at home, is told repeatedly to wait on what matters most to them. What happens for those individuals? If, after going through the emotions of anger, jealousy, resentment, and bitterness, they don’t leave the work or family relationship, they eventually become numb to the injustice. It is human nature to tune out that which is too painful.
The same is true for your relationship to yourself. If you continually tell yourself with, your actions, that you are not worth the time and care necessary to sustain a healthy way of living (whatever that means to YOU), you too will go numb and you may experience the many consequences of neglect.
The symptoms of putting yourself last can include:
Chronic overwhelm
Confusion and Lack of Clarity
Boredom
Strained relationships
Exhaustion
Restlessness
Sickness
Hopelessness
Depression
It is up to you to prevent perfectionism from creeping into your self-care and all the areas of your life that you value for your health, well-being and success. Just as preconceived rules stifle who you can be as a mother or an artist, you must throw out the rules you’ve made up or learned about how to succeed at self-care. Make sure you do something, and do it your way! As you do, you will be lighting the way for others around you to do the same. What a gift!
Your Action Plan for Healthy Imperfection:
1. Create a list of your juiciest, most favorite ways to support yourself.
2. Add all forms of self-care and love that you’ve ever heard that you might want to try—even if they seem ‘not possible’ or ‘too expensive’ or require ‘too much energy.’ Get creative and super-supportive! This is YOU we are talking about – your most important tool in getting all the rest of your life “done”!
3. And the most important action step: DO ONE OF THESE EVERY SINGLE DAY.
And then, sit back, raise a glass and toast to your whole life fulfillment for 2010 and beyond!
While hiking down from Bell Rock in Sedona, AZ, presumably one of the most powerful energy vortex centers on the earth, I became aware of a woman and her son quickly approaching us on the trail from behind. As my daughter and I paused to make art in the enticing blank canvas of fine red sand, I overheard her fretting over having lost the others in their party. Once we reached the parking lot, I noticed her again and saw that she had met up with the rest of her group. As I passed the group, she asked her guide, “When are we going to hike up to the vortex spot?”
